Reality Roundup: Afterlife

Chad Johnson (of Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise and meat-overload and mean-to-Sarah-Herron “fame”) is on this season’s Celebrity Big Brother UK, prompting mass confusion amongst Brits everywhere.  But his cross-pond foray is far from a unique instance of one reality appearance spurring another.  There’s the traditional transition, where shows like Famously Single (on which Johnson currently appears), Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars Edition and even Dancing with the Stars offer more reality time to seasoned reality veterans.

And then there’s the more creative route.

As reality TV increasingly feeds on itself, a few familiar faces have recently popped up in unexpected places.  Below, I’ve pulled together my assessment of a few recent favorites.

Daniel and Vinny (Million Dollar Matchmaker)

Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise buds Daniel and Vinny started their love journey on ABC, but are apparently still shopping it around after the final rose -– and this time, WE TV was the taker.  Patti Stanger, the Million Dollar Matchmaker (who now apparently also takes celebrities – and is as liberal with her definition of “celebrity” as she is “millionaire”) kicked things off with a little light internet stalking (come on, Patti – if your online research results only in a few shirtless selfies, but stops short of his third grade teacher’s home address, you’re doing it wrong) before proceeding in her mission to succeed where Mike Fleiss had failed.

Though Patti managed to reclaim her edge by firing her standard stream of insults at all relevant parties, she wasn’t the only steadfast of the show.  Watching the Bachelor franchise alums date their way through Patty’s predictably pretty pool of women, there was a stirring sense of comfort that some things never change.  Especially if those things are a Canadian personal trainer named Daniel.  “I want an eagle.  I deserve an eagle.  I’m not willing to settle for, you know, a duck,” he explained, demonstrating the articulate ability that echoed his time amongst ABC’s roses (and in Mexico).

Both Daniel and Vinny ostensibly approached Patty in their search for “the one” (though Daniel would also be good with “a girl who’s into things”. Yet, with Patty’s screams about being post-Bachelor single still ringing in their ears, both were likely soon wishing for the loving arms of Chris Harrison (and, luckily for all of us, at least Vinny got his wish).

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Million Dollar Matchmaker airs 10pm EST Fridays on WE tvRecent episodes are available on demand.

Janice Dickinson (Shahs of Sunset)

Because I was both alive and had some semblance of a soul in the early 2000s, I am extremely familiar with Janice Dickinson, ex-America’s Next Top Model judge and claimant to not only being the world’s first supermodel, but having coined the term in the first place.  (I was also, incidentally, extremely depressed to realize that she left ANTM’s glossy halls in 2005, because that makes me feel extremely old).

But if you know Janice Dickinson as I do (that is, from a safe and cautiously held distance), you know that she will never stop modeling.  Which is why, as Shahs of Sunset’s GG prepared for her runway debut (which she claims concurrently marked her debut into the job market – excluding, I suppose, her job as a cast member on Shahs of Sunset), it should have been a given that Janice Dickinson would not only: (1) show up in the background as GG was downing champagne while have grey makeup spray-painted across her face, but also (2) wearing the outfit that GG had just tried on only minutes before in the episode and striking a series of inexplicable “model” poses (cue the theme music from Born Free).

GG, however, was in no mood to sit back and watch Janice be Janice.  To the outraged cry of “I thought this b**** died out with the Flintstones” (RIP Dino), she threw a minor hissy fit but – in an unexpected display of maturity for the 35-year-old toddler, stoically held back her inner “Lochnessa.”  A flurry of assistants holding up alternative outfits while screaming “shiny, shiny!” proved powerful enough to keep her temper in check, leaving our brave supermodel Janice free to strut off into the titular sunset.

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Shahs of Sunset airs 8pm EST Sundays on BravoRecent episodes are available on demand.

Ramona Singer (Love Connection)

As a fiercely loyal fan of The Real Housewives of New York City, I took Ramona’s painfully public divorce more personally than any halfway healthy individual should (and admitting it is the first step).  And while RHONYC has been doing a spot-on job of keeping audiences up to date on her evolving romantic escapades, sometimes one show just isn’t enough.

Enter Andy Cohen’s Love Connection.

Walking through Ramona’s recaps of three different blind dates, her hard-won pearls of wisdom started dropping almost immediately.  “That’s superficial… you judge on the FACE, not on the outfit,” she chided a particularly aggressive man in a weirdly out-of-place bowler hat (he knew he was going to be on national tv, right?) Strategically pairing his confusing accessory with an untucked shirt, it took him all of thirty seconds to reveal his abs to the camera, pounding dramatically on his stomach while staring blankly into the distance.

It should therefore come as no surprise to reveal that abs-and-hat guy was not the one to tame the Ramonacoaster (though they apparently had a lovely time at the Olive Garden).

Ramona’s two other suitors had much more pleasant tales of their time with Ms. Singer to tell, proving once and for all that either (1) she plays up the crazy for the RHONY cameras, and/or (2) men are dumb.  And while I would fork over pay-per-view prices to watch Ramona’s dating persona in action, hearing those who experienced it first hand – and lived to tell the tale – was an adventure in and of itself.

Love Connection airs 9pm EST Thursdays on FoxRecent episodes are available on demand.

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